Why Chelsey Goodan is Refusing to Underestimate Teenage Girls – and Why Girls are Grateful
I know, it’s not Monday so an Epic Mentor Newsletter edition is unusual. But Chelsey Goodan's new book Underestimated was just named a USA Today National Bestseller (this includes every book currently on the market, in every format and category), so I want to shout it from the rooftops. Her work is powerful, timely, and – my favorite part – perfectly in tune with today’s girls.
How do I know? Être girls brought it up.
We keep hearing about this book - tell us more about the author?
Chelsey Goodan has been a tutor and mentor for over sixteen years, and she focuses particularly on empowering teenage girls. She not only coaches parents on how to better connect with their girls, Goodan talks directly to girls about what they’re feeling and how to unpack those emotions. She’s the mentorship director of DemocraShe, founder of The Activist Cartel, and the author of a brand new book about which Oprah Daily said: “If you have a teenage girl in your life, you need to read this.”
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What else are people saying?
Hoda & Jenna on TODAY said they couldn't stop talking about it and highlighted nearly every line in the book. NYT bestselling author Eve Rodsky said “Underestimated gives insight into ways to create a fairer and more empowering world where girls and women can thrive,” and Academy Award-winning actress Laura Dern said “I’ve personally witnessed how Chelsey changes the lives of teenage girls for the better by deepening connections and helping everyone feel more heard and understood.”
What if we have questions of our own for Chelsey? Être girls asked.
Bring ‘em on.
True to form, Être girls wanted to hear directly from the author herself and sent in their questions. Below is an edited version of my recent interview with Chelsey Goodan; to learn more about this changemaker click here, and to grab your copy of her bestselling book, head here.
Ê: How do you see your role as a mentor with the girls in your world? Are these long-lasting mentorship connections or brief mentor moments? Or both?
CG: Oh, so great - I haven’t answered a question like this before! I try to help every girl feel seen and heard, valued and celebrated…and understood exactly the way she is. And that nothing is wrong with her; nothing needs to be improved or fixed. Instead, I try to help her see what makes her unique in the world - and amplify and affirm that. Give space for her to give voice to it and own it.
“A mentor needs to be really attuned not what you think is best for the person, but what that kid’s natural flow and best self is – then lift that up.”
Ê: That totally comes through in the book. One of our favorite chapters is the Identity chapter because of exactly what you’re saying: that it’s so easy to label kids, but they are more than one label.
CG: Right. It’s too easy for parents to place labels on their kids: Oh, that’s my STEM kid…that’s my sports kid. I see kids so constrained by that – they need space to explore! Figure out their own inner voice. I always say I’m on the side of the teenage girl. Not that there need to be sides - but I am the girls’ advocate and their microphone to amplify what they want to say to the world. People call me a translator of sorts for the adult audience! But my main objective is to be there for girls…to do right by them and have them hold me accountable.
Ê: Staying on the mentor theme for a minute – was there ever a mentor in your life that impacted you at a particular age?
CG: Yes! And I just did an event with her on my book tour in Colorado Springs, my hometown! It was my drama teacher, Jodi Papproth; she’s actually the very last acknowledgement in the book. I say that she was the non-parent adult in my life during my teenage years that really made me feel heard and met me for exactly who I was, and celebrated me for who I was, and let me be my authentic self.
Emily Deschanel and Chelsey Goodan
Ê: We love that – the total absence of judgment and celebrating who girls are right now.
CG: Yep, the absence of judgment. When you embrace your weirdness – the thing that makes you unique - you normalize that and meet people with genuine curiosity. With no secret agenda and without judgment or criticism. People often mistake teaching a girl for helpful intentions, but a girl might take your suggestion as judgment, or criticism that she’s doing something wrong.
Ê: What should adults do instead?
CG: Just ask her a question: What do you think is best here? What do you think is the next step? Do you just need some space? By doing that you’re building a mechanism for them to ask themselves these questions. Maybe they don’t have it all figured out, but it’s important to give girls ways to check in with themselves on their own terms and figure out what their solution might be.
“To me, that’s mentorship without the weight of judgment or criticism. I’m helping girls to create a space and find the tools that will last a lifetime. That’s why a mentor approach is better. I would actually love for parents to take a mentorship approach! ”
Ê: So cool. OK, another question from a girl: What’s one thing that, no matter where you are in the country, you’re seeing consistently bother girls right now?
CG: (Replying instantly) They feel judged. That is so unanimous. Yeah, girls feel judged. They feel stressed by society, by adults, by peers, by messaging coming from the beauty industry, and by everything in their world. They don’t feel good enough.
Ê: Last question from a girl: What’s your favorite thing about working with girls our age? The girl who asked is fifteen.
CG: Hands down, their honesty. Their radical honesty. It’s so good! They love being real, and when they meet someone who they know is going to be real with them - it grows. I think sometimes we, as adults, are squashing their radical honesty when we put on a show, saying: Oh…everything’s fine. When you catch a girl at a young age and she’s still in tune with her own honesty, that’s everything. I love it.
Ê: We love it too. And we love the book. Thank you again for signing one to our girls, and for the way you are standing up for girls. We want everyone to read Underestimated.
We seriously do.
Listen to Oprah Daily, Hoda, Jenna, and more, and grab your copy. USA TODAY got it right this week – you want to read this book. I’m personally thrilled that all the parents, cool aunts and mentors influencing teen girls today will have it on hand.
Looking forward,
Illana
ÊXTRAS: Three more places to find info about Underestimated that you won't want to miss: more buzz about the book; behind the scenes clips from the audiobook production; and insider video tips about communicating with teens straight from Chelsey Goodan.
